Overheard - an unusual request

“I’ve told my husband, if I lose my mind completely, get Alzheimers or something, lose the power of speech… I’ll still want sex.”

The chicken of discontent

This is our bed. Pretty ordinary. You’ll note the second duvet as required by the freezing cold mornings lately.

What I see when I look at this bed is that Groover is not angry with me. I’m in his good books.

So what is the sign that this is the case?

He has placed the big cushions on the floor rather than leaving them on my pillow.

That’s right. If I was in the bad books I’d have to take the pillows off myself.

Subtle yes?

In fact too subtle for this little canard noir. He had to eventually tell me about this sign of his love.

I think it stems back to his childhood. He was the youngest in a family of four, his next oldest sibling six years his senior.

As a youngster, Groover was often frustrated by his older brothers and sister. They were bigger, cleverer, meaner. They could gang up on him…

So to express his displeasure Groover used to put a toy chicken (or it might have been a rabbit - but he thinks it was a chicken) on the offender’s bed.

The chicken of discontent.

photo credit: BebeZ

Meanwhile - I don’t think my signs are very secret. Not subtle, this one.

Oh woof! When friends get dogs…

I’m being unreasonable.

I’ve just found out one of my best friends is getting two red setter puppies next weekend.

Looking at that cutie above I can understand the attraction, and they’ve recently been burgled, and her husband loves dogs, but meh. It’s just annoying!

Now they’ll have to look after them! Now we won’t be able to skive off down south for a few days at a moment’s notice… not that we did - but we could have.

Now, we’re the only family we know without pets!

Before it was them and us, standing together, citing the ease of travelling, and not talking about exorbitant vet bills…

Before, we could sit back, drinking our wine saying “at least we don’t have pets to worry about…”

No longer.

Sigh.

Life won’t be the same.

Oh yes I’m unreasonable. I need to get over it. And yes I’ll probably want to cuddle one of those cute little puppies… at least once. :)

Bah humbug.

Which side of the bed do you sleep on?

In all the years we’ve been together Groover and I have always claimed the same sides of the bed… that is - he always sleeps on the left side, I get the right. Or the other way around depending on which end of the bed you’re on.

It doesn’t matter where we are. In our bed at home, on holiday, camping, it just feels wrong on the other side.

Even when he is away I still claim my side of the bed.

Until last night.

You see our bed is getting on and the mattress is noticeably sinking where we usually lie. Two grooves.

But in the middle there is an island of firm springiness and that, my friend, is where I have sleeping.

I know as soon as he returns I’ll sink back into the burrow of my side and it will feel normal again, but for now it kind of feels like I’m on holiday. Racily spreading out my wings and daring to claim the middle ground.

How about you? Do you have “a side” that you have to sleep on?

Lets look at the bed from the end of the bed - are you on the right? Or on the left?

I wonder if anyone has done a study on whether men prefer the right and women prefer the left because thinking about it… my parents are the same… dad on the left, mum on the right.

I wonder if it’s the opposite in the Northern Hemisphere?

Can clothes save a relationship?

I’m watching Trinny and Susannah Undress some random couple and through clothes they are saving their relationship… or trying to.

The first thing they noticed was that both had “given up” in what they were wearing.

(I’m sitting here in trakky daks, ugg boots and *Trinny shudders* polo fleece.)

So they got them to go out and buy an outfit for eachother - an outfit they are really keen to see the other in.

I thought this was a really interesting exercise. What would your partner buy for you? And what would it say about how they see you?

He bought the high heels and sexy lingerie as part of his outfit. She bought him a pink shirt, proper trousers and closed in shoes… but slip on - she was thinking of him.

Trinny and Susannah don’t pull their punches… much like their boob show where they pulled and prodded everyone’s tits this time they are quite incisive in their comments. Things like “you talk to him like he’s a child”. Pretty confronting.

Then they get naked (in silhouette) and talk about what they like about eachother’s bodies. That’s pretty confronting. And their sex lives. And their infidelities. That’s really confronting.

At first I was really sceptical but they stay away from marriage counselling - a good thing - and head to the shops and new clothes.

Say what you like about T&S, they know their clothes.

I confess to tearing up at the end.

Who knows whether the second honeymoon will last. How much difference can clothes really make?

Sounds like a good excuse for a trip to the shops!

How to ask for what you want

How good are you at asking for what you want?

You can usually tell - because if you are good… you get it.

Generally most people are not that great. With our partners, with our bosses, with our children. We fail to articulate exactly what it is we want or need.

We expect our partners, bosses, children, friends, parents to inately understand what we want. We often give them the barest hints.

Lets take a simple office example.

The Coffee Machine

You and your colleagues want to get a coffee machine for the office. You all hate instant coffee and want to serve your clients decent coffee. You go into your boss’s office with your idea.

“Could we get a coffee machine for the kitchen? We believe it would raise morale and improve our service to our clients.”
“Sounds like a good idea,” says your boss.

Two months later and there is no coffee machine. You feel pissed off. Your boss knows you want a coffee machine and agrees that it would be a good idea. Why hasn’t she acted?

Well she hasn’t “not” bought you a coffee machine. You never talked about who would pay for the machine, who would organise it or when it would be done.

What if you’d said: “We’d like a Saeco Incanta coffee machine for the kitchen. (blah blah blah - insert all the great things about staff morale, client service, increased productivity). Are you willing to buy the office a coffee machine?”
“Yes.”
“When do you think you’d be able to do that?”
“By the end of the financial year.”
“This financial year?”
“Yes.”
“So, in four weeks you will have bought a coffee machine for the office.”
“Yes.”
“Thank you.”

Okay that’s all very nice - but what if your boss says no?

Listen to their reasons. They might be very valid. There might be a company policy against it, they might not have the budget for it. You might see their reasons are fair and resign yourself to instant coffee.

But not today. Today you think its still a great idea and you’re on a mission:

“Do you agree with the principle of the idea?”
“Yes.”
“Will you work with me in finding a way to get the coffee machine?”

And you can take it from here… if it’s a financial block, maybe the staff could contribute or the social club… with your boss’s support you have half a chance of getting what you want… but you need to ask for that support.

The important thing is to ask for exactly what you want, when you want it.

The story of the knife

Let me tell you a tale from my first pregnancy. I was in the third trimester and starting to feel big and tired. We had a loose rug on the floor of the kitchen which Groover liked but I hated as I continually tripped over it.

“Arghhhh this bloody rug! It’s dangerous! We’ve got to get rid of it!”
“Why don’t you just pick your feet up?” said Groover reasonably.
“You just don’t understand!!!” I shrilled throwing the bread knife I was drying to the ground at his feet. I stomped off to the bedroom and slammed the door - wishing Groover had just put his arms around me.

Instead I heard laughter….”Cello, you HAVE to come back here and see this!”

The knife is point down in the floorboards. It looks very dramatic.

I am very upset. I don’t understand why he can’t see that I’m feeling vulnerable and scared of falling and hurting the baby. That I’m tired and overwrought and what I need is a bit of cosseting.

Well how could he? Had I said any of that to him? No. I expected him to intuitively work out that me complaining about the rug actually meant give me a hug.

Why women (and men) nag

You nag when you don’t articulate what you want, when you want it.

Of the following two requests which do you think will result in more nagging?

“Darling could you take out the rubbish please?”
or
“Darling could you take out the rubbish before dinner please?

This is not rocket science. :)

How to ask for what you want? In two words: be specific.

A “no” is not rejection of you

We often don’t ask because we don’t want the person we’re asking to say no. It’s okay to get a no. Any answer gets you closer to your goal. It helps you understand the other person’s position and possibly other things to take into consideration. A “no” is simply a better understanding of how to get to yes.

Oh and Groover has never let me forget the “knife incident”… How I wish I’d just asked for a hug!