Category Archives: Fashion Victim

Fashion Victim

OMG I’m a D-Cup

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If only it was just the breasts that put on weight.

Don’t you love those lingerie ladies in the big department stores? Mine would have been in her mid fifties and an E cup she told me.

I knew my old bra – a B cup push up – wasn’t really fitting all that well – so I decided to invest in some new scaffolding.

The first thing you do is find the most senior looking assistant over floor – the older the better – they’ve seen it all. She will come in and measure you and then bring you a couple of bras to try on. Then she will “fit” you. She will make you lean over at the waist and “drop” your breasts fully into the cups. Then she will assess the fit.

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If you get on with your assistant this is the best. She will treat you like a long lost daughter and it will be a fun, positive experience.

I came away with two bra and pantie sets and some “guaranteed to take an inch off everywhere” undergarment thing.

Which I’ve bought for “thermal” purposes of course. 🙂

Fashion Victim, Modern Life

What are rashies?

River asks following my last post: “What are rashies?” I wrote a reply in comments but since a picture really is a thousand words I thought I’d illustrate with a couple of pics.

Adventure World Dec 22nd 2002 021

Adventure World Dec 22nd 2002 005

Now you’ll note that the children in this photo look quite young – that’ll be because these photos were taken in 2002 – 5 years ago. In those days my boardies fit and I wore skin tight rashies… 🙂

Anyway you probably get the idea.

I really don’t know why I stressed out about tight fitting boardies and my muffin top breaking loose. Once there we were treated to a great number of fashion victims people who just didn’t care.

Part of me was rejoicing. “You go girlfriend!” I thought Marcia-style as a woman who as a clear muu muu candidate chose instead to wear a bikini, sat eating her lunch not 20 metres away.

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At this point you are probably fairly pointing out that the kettle may be calling the pot indigenous. And it would be a fair point.

Then we noticed another lady who had obviously come straight from the office. She was wearing a knee length skirt, a singlet and one of those little V-necked tops with three quarter sleeves and the ties that go round the back. Down the Aqua Racer! Of course she might have thought to herself that she wasn’t going to go swimming but was tempted by all the fun we were having and decided WTF I’m just going to swim in my clothes.

But perhaps she tried on her boardies that morning – like me – and found they were a little snug. Maybe she went down to her local surfshop – like me – and the shop assistants were so unhelpful she thought “fuck that I’m just going to wear my smart casual clothes to Adventure World”. Maybe.

The blokes of course don’t care at all.

 

Fashion Victim

I am a skittle

  • Average tits
  • Slim waist
  • OK tummy
  • Big thighs
  • Chunky calves

    • Sounds attractive doesn’t it.  Well Trinny and Susannah haven’t given up hope!

    Wide legged pants (check)
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    Flared skirts to the knee or longer (hmmm)
    Low leg bathers????

    My fellow skittles are Meryl Streep and Sharon Osborne.

    Well we’ll see.  I’m not sure I want to be a skittle…

    Fashion Victim, Modern Life

    Hair, there and everywhere

    02112007242Today you find your correspondent at the hair salon washing that grey right out of her hair.  I got up early to act as scorer at The Orchid Hunter’s cricket match.   Four hours of morse code later (have you ever scored a cricket match?  It’s all about dots, trust me), we lost and I joined the coven for lunch.

    The Coven is The Poshi and the Software Engineer and I and we haven’t seen each other for ages so a lunch was in order, sandwiched (omg I’ve just wet myself with the wittiness of that pun) between cricket and my hair appointment.   Much gossip was shared.

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    The result is a little boofier than I thought but I think will be okay in the end.   Afterwards I picked up a tray of peaches – that is the real hallmark of Christmas!  And dropped in to see The Poshi for a quick pre-dinner drinkie.  It’s good to have her home if only for a couple of days. 🙂

    Fashion Victim

    Wigging Out

    Groover bought me two wigs for my birthday. What an awesome present! I love wearing wigs and up until now only had a blonde one to have fun with.

    My new wig from the back Front of wig

    I wore the black one to watch number one son play cricket yesterday and my friend said … how on earth did you have time to get to a hairdresser (as she’d seen me at 6pm the night before and it was now 8am in the morning).

    Normal hair

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    Red wig

    I’m going to wear the red one to Groover’s Christmas Party where I’m playing a saucy barmaid called Mad Rose (they have a pirate theme going on). Can’t wait!

    Fashion Victim, Groover, Shopping

    Sandshoes and Cinnamon

    sandshoesGroover has bought some new sandshoes. Or to be more accurate, I have bought him some new sandshoes. It had to be done.

    His last pair – note those stylish ones behind the gleaming new white ones – were bought in 1992. And he has worn them every year since. Sure he only puts them on once or twice a year and the rubber crystalised from age but they did last well.

    In fact apart from the back-to-the-future-flashdance-esque-black-speckledy-trim – they are not that much different.

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    Carol has asked me to relate the Cinnamon Roll story Armistead Maupin told when he spoke at the Octogon Theatre lately… it’s a little R-rated so children… turn away now!

    Apparently Armistead had a friend – gay friend – who wanted to check he was not hetero. So he “went down” on a female friend who nervously had sprayed herself with a cinnamon scent. Afterward he was so traumatised by the whole affair that he could never bear the smell of cinnamon rolls and felt physically ill when he smelt them in malls and airports… something like that anyway. Sorry Carol – he tells it better. 🙂 So much so that now whenever I hear the term or see a cinnamon roll… I’m not thinking pastries.

    Fashion Victim, Random, Travel

    Freedom through eye-wear

    Still on public transport in Melbourne – I’ve caught a train and a tram now – it occurs to me that society wouldn’t function as well if it wasn’t for sunglasses. Sunglasses, especially those with reflective lenses, allow you to examine your fellow passengers without feeling self conscious or rude.

    Well perhaps a little self conscious…

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    Could you be looking at me?

    Fashion Victim

    Ugg Boot Miracle

    I nearly had to throw my ugg boots out.

    Yes it is true. They were so munted, so split, that I couldn’t walk in them and besides all that cold air getting in kind of defeated the purpose.

    Ugg boots Ugg boots

    Now I’m not an advocate of wearing ugg boots outside – they are NOT a fashion statement. They are a very comfortable and warm addition to my wardrobe and I can’t do without them. In fact I’m planning on getting some new ones at the Perth Royal Show. I bought some for Groover a couple of years ago and they are a much more sturdy make. But the show is still some weeks off and my tootsies were chilled.

    I was desperate.

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    Find a knee-hi stocking. You might not own one but they are very cheap.

    Stretch stocking over sad ugg boot.

    Problem solved.

    Ugg boots Ugg boots

    Of course, you’ll still be wearing ugg boots but as I said, ugg boots have their place. 🙂

    Fashion Victim

    Shopping to impress

    I went shopping on Saturday to buy a suit for my interview.  It’s not easy to find a suit that… well… suits!

    Eventually I found a Perri Cutten suit that was lovely but too eveningy – if you know what I mean… I needed something a bit more… hip hop and happenin’.

    Also it was $710 and I didn’t want the job that badly.

    Today with a cold dulling my senses I went home early to “prepare” and found myself in a clothes shop looking for a colourful top to go with my black pants.
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    I selected several pieces off the racks and started trying things on.  Nothing I chose really “did” it for me. I tend to go for wide bottomed pants and tighter tops but the lass in the store found this top that just made me look pregnant – which is okay if you are and not, if you’re not, if you know what I mean – funky pregnant but pregnant – anyway she suggests I try the top on with skinny leg pants.

    Well I never go for the skinny leg – not having them you see – but I humoured her, and even wore a wide belt just below the bust and voila.  I looked good!

    And felt good – despite the cold – having bought two pieces I would never have chosen by myself.  Which just goes to show… that I’m not a fashionista, one, and two not to completely ignore  the suggestions of the sales staff.

    Fashion Victim, Modern Life

    Hair removal

    I was in at the beauticians today getting my eyebrows waxed (as you do) and I pondered that someone somewhere must have discovered a cream that permanently stops hair growing… but there’s no way they would market it.

    An entire industry would fold overnight.

    Fighting couples might give each other bald patches in their sleep (imagine that!).
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    Mmmmmmm…