Category Archives: Parenting

Parenting, Work

Another reason I’m a bad mother

My desk at work

My daughter’s friend’s mother said that my daughter described me as a workaholic.
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That’s bad isn’t it?

Family, Parenting

Not a perfect mother

Generally I think I’m a pretty good mother. My kids are pretty polite. They have good senses of humour. They do their jobs around the house, mostly without complaint or too much nagging. They are lovely with younger kids. They know they are loved.

But held up to the light of my sister-in-law’s mothering I’m afraid my mothering looks a little slapdash to say the least. Now I will say that she is a former nanny so well qualified to be a mother… having your own kids is different though wouldn’t you say?

Last night we had her two kids, aged 4 and 2 and a half, to stay the night. Our first sleepover. The youngest, a little girl, has really come on with her language and was able to tell me she was hungry and what she was hungry for. After dinner (which she had at home) she ate two tomatoes, a yoghurt and two plums. She’s such a good eater. They both got ready for bed when asked with no fuss and brushed their teeth, asking me for help to get to the back teeth.

In the cubby house
The 2-year old cousin enters the lounge room cubby house

At about 7.30 – half an hour after their regular bed time – and while watching Cars (a surprisingly good film), they asked to go to bed. They are both dry, the little one calling out to me to take her to the loo at about 11pm.

We then ate our Thai takeaway with the big kids.

In the morning they played with our two for a while before asking me if I could help get them dressed… and therefore get out of bed. For breakfast the little one had two bowls of Just Right, a plum, a pear and about a third of a bowl of porridge. Her brother had one big bowl of porridge. I’m documenting this because I’m frankly astounded by how much she eats and the fact they do so without whinging or fussing.

Then they made a cubby before heading outside to get wet and dirty in “Mudworld”.

The boys make the dam

The boys make the dam in Mudworld

Quick quick help me fix the walls

The dam walls start to break – but the little ones just look on delightedly as Hugamuga desperately tries to shore up the walls.

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The dam finally breaks

The dam breaks – success?!

Baths and lunch – what child eats Branston Pickle sandwiches?! And then Mum came and picked them up.

Drink up!

I'm just going to take a break...

They are Stepford Children – perfectly behaved. Cute. And they eat!

So what lesson could be learned?

Maybe all new mothers should spend a year nannying before giving birth?

Hmmm how low do we want the population rate to fall?

Ahh forget it. My two are gorgeous. I love them anyway just the way they are. Anyone for porridge?

No? Just me again.

Dippity, Parenting, School, Youtube

Are laptops for school children a good idea?

Homework

I’m sitting here with my daughter’s school laptop in bed (feeling crapola with a cold) as I write this so I’m aware that I’m being a bit hypocritical…

Here’s the thing. My daughter has gone to a new school this year. A school that insists that every child should use a laptop from Grade 5. Their argument is that we live in an age where computers and digital devices are a part of our lives and that we should make use of every tool we can to educate our children. And yes, I get that.

But since we’ve had this third computer in the house we barely see our 11 year old. It’s Youtube 24/7 – or until Groover goes mental because we’ve been shaped again. She doesn’t seem to read books anymore – it’s chapter after chapter of fan fiction.

We insist that she uses the computer in public and we’ve learned that you take the laptop away from her at bedtime – what I’m not seeing is a whole lot of homework done on the computer and given that, I wonder why the school doesn’t store the wretched things in the classroom. Do they really need to take them home?

The only good thing is that at least she’s not fighting with my son now over the second computer.

So here I am enjoying her MacBook interface on our wireless system (which doesn’t seem to work for my work laptop) and whinging.

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And part of it is my old fashioned sense of media. I want my child to enjoy books as books! Not fan fiction. Although, having said that if she was writing her own stories… well now, that would be different. And maybe endless reading of it will lead to writing her own…

In the meantime my darling Dipp has earned a merit award at school. So maybe the laptop isn’t the monster I make it out to be.

Oh, you ask, why do I have precious time on the new toy? Ah, she’s out on her brother’s bike getting some fresh air.

I asked her first!

Some parenting tips please! How do you manage computer time in your home?

Creative Commons License photo credit: Apollo-Jack

Hugamuga, Parenting

When to let your teenager off the leash

Today is Hugamuga’s Independence Day.

Adventure World Dec 22nd 2002 005
This is Hugamuga in 2002, a somewhat younger version – aged 8, I wouldn’t have let him go alone at this age. 🙂

Today, he met his friends on the train, travelled to Adventure World (two trains and a bus), enjoyed the day with his mates and returned home. He was responsible for organising himself, his money and his lunch. I did ask that he ring me when he left home so I knew he was on the road (and could begin worrying). He’s 13.

It was a scheme dreamed up by his friends at school. This one mate worked out the plan and invited his classmates and then whoever showed up showed up. Four showed up.

They had a blast. Roaming Adventure World in a little pack. I asked Hugamuga:

“So is it more fun with there with his mates or his family” (we go every year for a work Christmas party)
“Oh with my family of course!”
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“Definitely with my mates!”

Yeah right.

My heart was in my mouth. Sure it’s just a mum cutting another of the apron strings (guffaws of laughter from friends imagining me wearing an apron), another step towards independence… but it was a milestone.

Not that I wrap the kids in cotton wool. I’ve let them walk to the corner shop on their own for years. I encourage them to walk to school, to their friends houses. Hugamuga rides his bike to training on his own…

Two trains and a bus.

W00t.

Parenting

And I thought I was evil

So you know how I was waffling yesterday about Easter Egg hunts and whether creating one for the kids would allow me time for a brief nanna nap. Well I went back up to the house (from the internet cafe where I’m writing this as we speak) and had a chat with the other mother…

The evil one

She agreed that it was worth a try. We banished the kids to the bedroom and told them they had to stay there while we went for a walk and hid the eggs. It was midday and quite warm outside. Hot even, in full sun. The bush is very dry at the moment too and prickly.

Well we got about 20 metres from the house and my friend says to me:

“Hey, what if we don’t hide the eggs?”

“You mean… pretend to hide them, get the kids to go look for them and then just hide them somewhere in the house?!”

“Well,” she says, “We’d be doing them a favour. The eggs are going to melt in this heat…”

So that’s what we did. Walked around the 5 acre block shouting out things like… “Over here – here’s a good hiding place!”
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Ten minutes later we came back to the house and sent the kids off with this clue:

“Up hill and down dale,
In Paradise the kids wail,
Where are our eggs!
Our mean mums!
Til back at home,
They sit with full tums.”

They were also told that the eggs were at the four corners of the property.

We got half an hour.

Extracurricular, Family, Parenting

The best four year old party

I’ve been to quite a few parties for four-year-olds in my time but today’s at a neighbourhood gym for my nephew, was the best.

Now my judgement may have been skewed by the fact that at 13 and 10, my children didn’t need close supervision, actually on reflection that was probably a big part of it, but the main reason I enjoyed this party was because I got the chance to let my inner child go.

I also loved the trampolining made even better by the terrific guy who ran the place who gave tips to adults and kids alike and was pretty good himself.
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Usually I hate kids parties. Especially when they’re not my own kids. You don’t know the other adults who are distracted by their kids running amok, high on sugar and fast food. You sit there being polite when what you’d rather be is sat in the car reading your book.

But this time, despite the maxi-dress, I got into it. And I especially liked it when the trampoline man complimented me on my pointed toes.

Family, Parenting, Personal

The Pillow Wall: What they don’t tell you about falling pregnant

4 Comments

A number of people I know are pregnant at the moment and they’ve reached that happy stage of the third trimester where everything is oh so slightly uncomfortable, including sleep.

Slowly over the months they have been collecting pillows one by one. Arranging one behind their back, one between their thighs, one under the belly – now full and heavy – until it takes at least ten minutes to settle in the right spot – cocooned on what was once Passion Central and is now divided by… The Pillow Wall.

pillow wall

It’s in fact remarkably comfortable as I discovered when posing for this photograph to illustrate my point, but does tend to exclude the non-pregnant other.

My friend the other night complained bitterly that night after night he was slowly edged to the side of the bed until now his head rests on the bedside table and it is only by the most precarious of balancing acts that he sleeps – and he’s got six weeks to go!

(How is it that men hijack the most female of journeys? Once again – it’s all about them!)
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He was slightly hysterical – not coping with the musical experience that was Miss Saigon.

In fact, just after the big chorus girl number his girlfriend got up and left rather quickly during the applause as if she was in the midst of a medical emergency. A minute later, my friend, acting all worried and concerned, followed her out. It was a performance that left us gasping with laughter.

The conversation at interval though did take me back nearly 11 years to my last pregnancy and my pillow wall.

Did you have one?
PS: An historical note. The pyjama pants I’m wearing in the photo were bought for me to wear in hospital the day Dippity was born. Groover had learned from Hugamuga’s birth, when he bought me the foulest, most unattractive, nasty nighties – a bit like surgical gowns without the gap in the back – to TMATP! The tee-shirt we bought on our honeymoon when we visited Eurodisney – which puts it at circa 1992.

PPS: TMATP=Throw Money At The Problem

Dippity, Parenting, Youtube

An awkward conversation

Watching this gem from Servant of Chaos:

Me: Laughing at video

Dipp: Can I see mum?

Me: Um yes.

Dipp after watching final ad: I don’t get it. What is that?

Me: It’s a vibrator.
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Dipp: A what?

Me: It’s used by women to feel good.

Dipp: ???

Me: Er… um… it’s a sex toy.

Dipp: …

Me to myself: Hmmm that went well…?

Dippity, Parenting, School

Making friends

27 Comments

Key WestIt’s not easy making friends at a new school, even if you know some of the girls already.

My daughter has recently moved from a small school with just five girls to a big girls’ school with 56 girls in her year, and she’s finding it surprisingly hard to make friends.

She’s generally a confident little soul but I think all the “newness” is a bit overwhelming. Also I imagine she had the idea that the gang of 5 would stick together. That hasn’t been the case. The other girls seem to have hooked up faster than she has and she feels left out, and a little lost, maybe even betrayed.

But what can you do as a parent?

One night last week she was inconsolable. 🙁

I offered to have new friends (or old) over for a play. I suggested she listen more to new acquaintences to see if they had some things in common. I even asked her to consider chatting to her teacher – also new – who might have some ideas.
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On the train to work I met a colleague who had had a daughter go to the same school. She suggested I contact the principal of the junior school and see if she had any ideas but I hesitated.

I don’t want to necessarily rescue Dippity – I mean, this could be an important life lesson for her – but I don’t want her to be miserable at school either! (She of course wants me to rescue her)

Today she came home with the crumbs of new friendships. One girl had mentioned that she liked Avatar – Dippity LOVES Avatar, and she had fun with another girl during sport. She seemed happier and more like my darling Dippity.

So what’s your advice?

Hang back and be there for cuddles at the end of a disappointing day? Or is there something proactive I can do?

Parenting

How to know if you’re a good mother

13 Comments

Boy in a backpackWhen I was a first-time mum at home with a new bub I was adrift. I’d gone from a full-time full-on job with lots of contact with other people to – well – nothing. I was the first of my set to have a baby, my husband worked full time, I didn’t have a lot of contact with my neighbours. I was, in short, lonely.

How lonely?

I went to the health nurse every week, religiously. Even though my baby was perfectly healthy. Even though I had no problems looking after him, the breastfeeding happened.

I only stopped when she kindly said one day “You know, you don’t have to come every week. You’re doing a good job.”

That day as I walked back home pushing my son in his stroller, I reflected on how dependant I’d become on this regular weekly outing. How much I needed an independent witness to my motherhood. How much I needed that witness to tell me I was doing a good job.
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I hadn’t had any contact with babies before apart from fleeting glimpses of other people’s babes. I wasn’t the maternal type. I didn’t yearn to pick up and cuddle them. I was the type of person who handed the baby back or on at the earliest opportunity and now here I was the 24/7 carer of this little human unit.

With no frame of reference – how was I to know if he was okay? If I was okay? If I was a good mother?

A fine womanI owe this child nurse a great deal.

Happily last year I met her again. She’s retired now. I wished I’d had my little baby with me to show her that he survived into teenagerhood. But of course there was no need. She had enough faith in me to know he’d be okay.