I feel like a pelican

Who knew pelicans would elicit more pelicans?

Buckets sent me this gorgeous photo of some pelicans he took at Innamincka, South Australia.¬† It’s near the border of Queensland and New South Wales.

Beyond, well beyond, the so-called Black Stump.

pelicans

Great photo. ūüôā

Meanwhile, I do actually feel like a pelican – wherever I turn I’m confronted by an ENORMOUS bill!

And payday is still two days away…

Cheer me up with your pelican photo!

The forces of good and evil

As my friend the red setter owner says: Only in Australia! (except that it wasn’t… see below)

The pope\'s visit to Sydney

UPDATE: Snapp commented that this is a spoof! “The Pope is not in this photo, this photo is taken in Reykjavik Iceland. The man in front of Darth Vader is the Bishop of Iceland.
I know this because I live there and I saw it on the news, Darth Vader was protesting some thing (dont remember what it was).”

Seriously though, and I know it is 60 years since World War 2, did you find it as weird as I did to hear a man with a German accent preaching peace?

Weird… but good yeah.

How it works is right!

How it works

Have just discovered this blog.

Absolutely. Classic. Cartoons.

Check it out.

And while I’m recommending favourites… here’s my favourite podcast. The Weekly Ryan.

I discovered Gerry Ryan (yes me – I discovered him – previously nobody knew he existed. Okay obviously I didn’t discover him…) in late 2006 when we went on a driving trip around Ireland. Groover and I actually changed our itinerary – getting up a bit earlier so we could be in the car when his show was on. Disappointed when it was the weekend. Devastated on our last day when he was away sick (in fact it turned out he was in hospital!). Delighted when we discovered his podcast.

We are absolutely addicted.

I’m also getting into Susan Maushart’s podcast Multiple Choice. I loved her piece on those wretched automated answering service thingys corporations are so fond of at the moment. You might know Susan’s columns in the Weekend Australian.

Dad jokes – you gotta love them

Man walks into a shop.

“Hi. Do you have any sirloin steak?”

“No sir.”

“What about fillet?”

“No.”

“Hmmm okay, could I have some lamb chops then please?”

“Sorry, don’t have any lamb chops.”

“What? No steak and no chops! Call yourself a butcher?!”

“No sir. We’re the optometrists. The butcher is next door.”

My favourite joke

Went to a great party last night. A 40th. Loads of people dressed in cowboy outfits, the children made the cocktails (I was driving so no, didn’t have any of those) and there was country music (ah well).

This morning my hair smells like woodsmoke.

I saw my first flatmate – we shared a unit in Bunbury – and I haven’t seen her since about 1990. She’s exactly how I remember her – with slightly shorter hair.

Anyway I got the opportunity to tell my favourite joke so I thought I’d share it with you too… aren’t you lucky?

Why did Chris de Burgh cross the road?

To get to the middle of course!

Hehehe… LOL… ROFPMP!

Beatnic Baby

Loved this post by Beatnic.

A ten year old child genius in conversation with a Professor of Philosophy:

Professor: “If you had to lose only one, would it be logic or emotion?”

Child genius (without hesitation): “Emotion, because then I wouldn’t feel unhappy.”

Professor: “Ah, but you wouldn’t feel happy either.”

Child genius: “Yes, but I wouldn’t care.”

A side point: Manic-depressives sometimes choose not to take their medicine because while it stops them being depressed, it also stops the incredible highs…

WARNING: Politically Incorrect Joke to follow.

Thank you to The Poshi for this little email gem. ūüôā

“Subiaco Barbie”
This  princess Barbie is sold  only at the the Colonnade. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a designer kitchen. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift.  Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

Subiaco Barbie
“Joondalup Barbie”
The modern day homemaker Barbie  is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and  matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.   Joondalup Barbie

“Girawheen ¬†Barbie”
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted ¬†windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) …unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.
Girawheen Barbie
“Claremont ¬†Barbie”
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.. Included are her own cappucino cup, credit card and country club ¬†membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.
Claremont Barbie
“Armadale Barbie”
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Carlton Midstrengh and a Jimmy Barnes CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when ¬†she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate ¬†flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Armadale Barbie
“East Perth Barbie”
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.
East Perth Barbie
“Mandurah Barbie”
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Butler Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
Mandurah Barbie
“Fremantle Barbie”
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Fremantle Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
Fremantle Barbie
“Scarborough ¬† Barbie”
This  Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Scarborough Barbie
“Margaret River Barbie”
She’s perfect in every way. We don’t know where Ken is because he’s always out surfing.
Margaret River Barbie
“Highgate Barbie/Ken”
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on body parts.
Highgate Barbie Ken

If only I’d been so clever…

It may be apocryphal, but I kind of wish it were true… wouldn’t you like to have been the student who penned this?

Students were assigned to read 2 books, “Titanic” & “My Life” by Bill Clinton. One smart ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:

Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let’s not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica’s forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn’t remember Jack.
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica…..ooh, let’s not go there, either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary…basically the same thing.