I realised something today.
I don’t like to hear excuses, and not only that, I don’t think others do either.
It’s always been my pet hate when people give me chapter and verse when they can’t do something – go out, do a task, whatever.
Okay I get it – I fume inside my head – it’s making me feel worse hearing your excuses. Just say you don’t want to come!
It’s that whole – “I would have done it if” thing.
If I didn’t have to wash my hair, if I wasn’t so tired, if I could have found a babysitter…
The truth is maybe – maybe you just didn’t want to go.
The only things I think I want to hear are that you already have a prior task or appointment OR that you don’t want to, maybe it’s not your cup-of-tea.
Because in the end that’s what it mostly boils down to doesn’t it?
This is what highlighted in yellow texta to me that I don’t like excuses – my Dad rang about some chairs and I gave him my excuses as to why I didn’t go to a concert with him last night.
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Now the truth is I didn’t want to go.
Yes I was tired and underwhelmed with enthusiasm by the rest of the family but if I had really wanted to go, I would have.
He cut me off and I realised that I was doing to him what I hate being done to me.
A reflection.
Sorry Dad.
I think underneath we know why people say no to invitations.
And it does hurt a little when we get a no.
But it’s like salt in the wound to get a list of excuses on why.
So next time, I’m just going to own my feelings and take responsibility for my life and just say no, politely.
I think it hurts less.
I guess you have to distinguish between excuses and reasons. After all, being tired is a “reason” and it’s not necessarily personal. We can’t always do everything – life’s just too busy.
It’s a bit sad that we don’t feel like we can just stay “I’m going to stay home right now, and that’s a perfectly valid thing to do.”
I used to lie and make excuses too. Now I just say it’s not the sort of thing I do/go to/whatever. Much easier.
Cello – About the request regarding the Fireman’s Outfit, the Sean Connery accent and the black rubber trousers with the buns cut-out – It’s not the sort of thing I do.
Ohhhhh… how about just the Scottish accent…?
A friend said to me she was really impressed once when she invited me somewhere and I said (sounds like me but I don’t remember saying it): “It sounds great and ordinarily I’d love to but right now I can’t be bothered.”
I think you’re right; it’s always better to have an honest, “No thanks” than a litany of excuses.
Sometimes, however, “I don’t want to go” can sometimes be taken personally. I think it’s important for us to recognize when we can be blunt and when we need to soften our “No” a bit.
I also agree that there’s a difference between an excuse and a reason.
Good post. Made me think. Scary, I know.
I start by politely declining, but I end up being forced into excuse after excuse because some people simply won’t take no for an answer.
“No thanks” is met with “Why not?”
“I’m busy” gets the reply “What with?”
“I don’t want to” results in “Oh come on, I need you!”
Sometimes it gets to the point where I get so frustrated that I have to be blunt just to get the person to stop asking… then they get offended and say “Well you know I was only asking, you only had to say no…” Er I did say no!
Of course they do still follow up with “But if you change your mind, here are all the details again…”
Trust me, with some people you have to give a big long explanation as your first answer or you’ll never hear the end of it 🙂