So I was playing bridge last night and I’m playing with my partner in the mixed teams for a bit of practice – and to be honest – just a fix of bridge because I’m completely addicted and not playing for 10 days due to Easter – lets call him… the physicist.

Well the Physicist is a few years younger than I and a much better player. He’s a Grand ranking player in WA’s all time top 40 (I’m a 2 star local – which is – let me tell you pathetic). Anyway so last time we played at my club this lady, who plays with her long suffering son, says to him (I don’t exist) “So Physicist (except of course she uses his real name), is this your life partner?” At which we smile and say “No we just play bridge together” and I add – being friendly you understand “I don’t play with my husband because who would look after my children!” and she says “I don’t care.”

Which is odd, right?

Anyway – we play better than they do so I get over it – and shrug.

So, last night, she’s playing again and we’re the last pair of the night and she gets to the table and says:
“So, Physicist, nice to see you again – is this your real partner outside of bridge?”

Yes… again!

And again he says no and we start playing with a little bemused smile at eachother over our cards. And I’m concentrating on my cards trying not to laugh and a look up and she’s staring at me so I smile and she says “that’s better dear” as if I’m frowning at her not the game.

At this point Physicist is a little nervous at actually introducing us and mentioning my name because – lets face it – she doesn’t care.

Anyway the boards play out – we get two tops – and they get up to leave and I say:

“Thanks for the game, have a happy Easter.”

And she says: “No, I’m sorry. I don’t say that. Because Good Friday is not a happy day – you can’t say Happy Easter til Sunday.”

Bemused look.

Anyway I can’t wait til we play them again. I can’t wait til she asks us – no asks my partner – if we are real life partners again… the bridge world will be rocked by the scandal!!

But internet, I need your help. I need a brilliant line. Here’s my thinking so far:

“No, we just have casual sex occasionally.”

“Yes, but don’t tell anyone – I don’t want my husband to find out.”

“Yes, he’s my toyboy.”

I think something along those lines – and if I can I should reach across the table and caress his hand! Just for good measure!!

Anyway bridge fanatics (I know you all want to be) here’s the play that worked for me last night. If you don’t play bridge stop reading here.

I was in 4 spades… the bidding went:

Pass – pass – pass – 1S – pass – 1NT – pass – 3S – pass – 4S

Dummy went down with:

I had:


Now conventional wisdom says lead small to the J Spades and you’re like to lose one anyway… I led the Jack – East didn’t cover with her queen and I ended up plus one.

She should have covered. Anyway yay! Spose I could have played an Ace first and then led towards the King but heh – that’s what happened.

So we came second.

By the way… Happy Easter!