How much do I hate chain emails?

Well as you can guess by the fact I’m bothering to write about them – quite a lot. I dread them – you get a sweet note from a friend about how the following is hilarious, cute, funny, inspiring, amazing etc and then the body of the email is usually quite hilarious, cute, funny, inspiring, amazing etc but not THAT hilarious, cute, funny, inspiring, amazing etc. The thing is the whole time you’re reading it you are thinking – okay what nasty thing is going to happen to me if I don’t send this to ten of my near and dear – who let me tell you will cease to be near and dear if I bombard them with this crap.

For example this little gem appeared in my inbox this morning:

“The “Hot Sex Fairy” will visit you within four days of receiving this message, provided you, in turn, send it on.

If you don’t, then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your life. You will eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off. This is no joke! Send copies to people you think need sex (who doesn’t?). Don’t send money, as the fate of your genitals has no price. Do not keep this message. This message must leave your e-mail in 96 hours. Please send ten copies and see what happens in four days.”

I am sorry for all my friends that wanted an improved sex life but I’m not sending the sex fairy to you. I will let you know next week if I have to visit a gynaecologist.

Of course the threat is real. Eventually I will be dead – definitely celibate then – or at least unaware – and my genitals will rot and fall off… although the liklihood is that I will be cremated before that happens. But sending this email to my friends will not stop it happening.

Apart from anything else it is so disappointing – you think you have got a nice email from someone and it turns out to be junk mail. Threatening junk mail. Please don’t do it.