When I was about 12 my mother, always innovative and looking for self improvement, discovered transactional analysis, and as is her way with everything, delved into every aspect of this philosophy. We read TA for Tots, TA for Kids and TA for Teens and learned about Adult to Adult communication. This is the kind of story in the books.
The things I remember from nearly 30 years ago are avoiding the word “should” when talking to others – “should” is a parent word and has no place in adult to adult conversation as it forces your correspondent into the child – “I want” is the child speaking and strokes. I hear a mental bell go off in my head when I say the word should even today, and search frantically for alternative phrasing.
The other thing I remember from those kids books is the feelings strokes can give you… they can be cold and prickly or (you guessed it) warm and fuzzy. We as humans crave strokes – whatever kind – but the latter make us feel great.
Today, Joh gave me a warm fuzzy by awarding me a “Nice Blogger Award”. Thanks Joh and may I say you have fine taste in books – Lian Hearn is a favourite of mine too. 
Joh also wins my unofficial award for most clever blog title! I love it.
So now I get to give a warm fuzzy to someone else! Oh the suspense… who will it be… requires some thought…
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We must be of a similar vintage – my mum was really into TA as well. I recall the Parent / Adult / child examples of conversations. What a blast from the past – I hadn’t thought about those in years!
Congrats on the award, by the way
“Born to Win”, a picture of a toddler or young child in black and white facing the ocean. There were others on the shelf too. Alongside the macrobiotic cook books.