Contact lenses REALLY hurt

Contact lenses of course

I don’t consider myself a wimp.

Indeed I have given birth to two children.

Non-wimpdon confirmed.

But damn if I can get the hang of contact lenses.

I ordered them because my dear husband says I will go from a 6 to a “hard 8” if I don’t wear glasses and who doesn’t want to be a hard 8?

So yes. Vanity.

But apparently I’m too old for my eyes to “truly cope” with multifocals and so really I can only get contacts to go out socially.

Which is fine, except that now that I have them I kind of want to be a hard 8 all day every day.

Well. Who wouldn’t?

Day 1: It takes me 20 minutes to get the right eye in. I try for 15 minutes to get the left eye in before giving up and racing for the train. The left eye pops in when I get to the very well lit bathroom at work, but not before someone asks if I’m okay after seeing my red and bloodshot teary eyes.
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Day 2: Practice makes perfect they say. It takes me 20 minutes again to get the right eye in, and once again I don’t have time for the slippery little sucker to get in the left eye so I wait til I get to work and spend a further 10 minutes chasing a little bit of see-through silicon around the bathroom.

About 2pm I’m back in the bathroom poking myself in the eye to get the wretched things out. I don’t ever find the left eye lens. And now I’m wondering if I got it in.

Day 3: Bugger it I need a day off. But I do get the optometrist to check my eye just in case the left lens is still in my eye somewhere.

She explains that really, at my age (does she have to keep saying that?!) all these are good for is reading menus at restaurants when you go out… They are not for close work, she says.

It’s only women who get these lenses, she says, the men can’t be bothered.

As I said, vanity.

So I will be leaving an extra hour to get ready next time I go out.

And I suspect the 30 pairs of dailies that I’ve bought will last a long time.

Just saying.