Have you ever heard a parent say in company:
“Say ‘Thank you’.”
If the parent’s voice is slightly louder than necessary – that’s conspicuous parenting.
Take today.
We were on our normal walk that we haven’t done for several weeks due to slackness.
A young mother was blocking the path.
She was crouched down next to her young child, pointing at the sky:
“Look at the sky darling!” She crooned. “What colour is the sky?!”
“Pink?”
Conspicuous parenting FAIL.
You hear it all the time…
“What do you say darling?”*
It’s not that I haven’t been guilty of the odd bit of CP myself.
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I have taught my kids to say “Thanks Mum! You are the greatest!” when I do something for them.
Frankly I’m pleased when they go out of the house with their shorts on the right way.
But when is conspicuous parenting just good parenting?
I was thinking about the parent who brings along a little container of chopped up raw vegetables for her child to munch at a restaurant or party.
Is that conspicuous? No. That’s just good.
The conspicuous parent pretends they would normally only feed their child raw vegies and allows them to have chips.
“OK darling, but just this time, chips are an ‘occasional’ food…”
Yeah right… bet the kid gets them every night next to their fish fingers.
So go on, ‘fess up, what’s your example of conspicuous parenting?
* Which reminds me of that joke:
Child: Can I have some more icecream?
Parent: What do you say darling?
Child: Can I have some more icecream now?
Oh I say this all the time when I pick one of the children up from a playdate:
Me to child: “What do you say honey?”
Required Answer: Thank you for having me, I had a great time.
It will probably be my epitaph. Sigh.
I still remember the first time one of our friends decided that it was safe to inflict her two daughters on our very non-child-proof home. I guess they were probably 3 and 5 and spent the whole afternoon looking at our pictures, ornaments and other object d’art and then saying, “This is NICE!”, “This is nice”, “This is nice” ….
CP to the fore.
Every year or two, “Be nice to Nanna, she loves you and she’s only visiting here for a week”.
My CP response consisted of me saying to the kids, what do you say? And their conditioned response was “Thank you Mummy, best Mummy in the world, I love you very much, thank you for giving birth to me…..
They are now three hulking, brooding teenagers and they still say it – tongue in cheek of course.
Pavlov’s dogs anyone?
Of course it’s not just parents.
I’ve been taught, “Yes dear, you’re right again”, by she who must be obeyed.
You’re right… we have a saying when one of us is less right (read wrong)…
“You’re right, I’m wrong… you’re a better person than me…”
LOL mine will probably be remembered by my childrens childrens great grandchildren (hopefully not as a horror story lol).
When in the shops or at home or wherever the preteen is bugging me about something and I am ready to start chewing car tyres in stress, I can be loudly heard saying ” WHAT PART OF NO DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!?!?!”