My beloved Groover is reading a book about a woman whose husband dies of a heart attack and then faces the death of a daughter with cancer and he’s been thinking about death.
He’s asked for my passwords so he can post a little note on this blog, dear internet, in the event of my demise. Of course I’ve sent him some wording as well which felt a bit bizarre I must say. Still I guess it’s a good thing to be prepared – well as prepared as you can be because I’m not sure anything really prepares you for the loss of a loved one and even while you’re in the midst of “preparing” yourself you – deep down – don’t really think it will happen.
I’m mean it WILL happen eventually but will my little note be of any relevance then?
It’s not the first time I’ve written out – To be opened in the event of my death – letters. Back in 2003 when we left the kids for a couple of weeks with mum and dad while we swanned off to Whistler on a work junket, I wrote out a letter to each of my kids – just in case. I wonder where they are? The letters I mean, not the kids. Perhaps I should write out another couple for them.
This philosophy that you should live everyday as if it is your last – or in Groover’s case your wife’s last day – I suppose means that you “stop to smell the roses” but I just can’t do it. I don’t want to live like that! I want to live optimistically and enjoy the promise of a new day, week, month. Make plans YEARS in the future because even if death intervenes at least I’ve had the pleasure of making those plans.
And if writing this blog is tempting fate – so be it. Know internet that I have lived and loved well and enjoyed life along the way. And if Groover were to pop his clogs – well at least he won’t have to worry about my death. Love you honey!
In the meantime – maybe I’ll cook for a while…